Dad jokes

I like these.

I stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went. Then it dawned on me..

I accused my wife of putting glue on my rifle collection.

She denies even going near them.

But I'm sticking to my guns.

I got fired from my job at the bank.

A woman came in and asked me to check her balance.

So I gave her a good shove.

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police. The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Fred," the old man moaned. "Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer

With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied; "The balcony".......

How do you make a handkerchief dance??? It's really easy just put a little boogie in it!!

2 more:

I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger, then it hit me.

I told my doctor I broke my arm in 2 places. He said quit going to those places.

An affluent couple with a wife that had a penchant for fast cars hinted to her husband she'd like something that would go from 0-200 in 3-4 seconds for her birthday, the husband couldn't figure out why she was so mad when he bought her a bathroom scale.

The wife asked the husband what kind of special 25th anniversary present he might get her, he said he was thinking about taking her to a remote, exotic location. She said wow, that would be really special, and then, thinking ahead she said what do you to plan to do for our 50th anniversay since this one will cost quite a bit.....he answered, well I might come back and get you.

If their not available you could use 6 players from the BEARS!