|
|
Post by marshallco on Sept 30, 2022 14:40:54 GMT -5
We call them Dad jokes, cause I think they're funny, and my kids think I'm a dork. There's actually a facebook page or something like that with these on there. Anyway, here are a few:
My wife got me a sweater for my birthday, but it was full of static electricity. So I returned it, and they gave me a new one. No charge.
My wife asked if I'd seen the dog bowl. I said no, didn't even know he could.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes, she gave me a hug.
The dog ate a bunch of scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet. They wanted to keep him overnight to see if anything would pass. No word yet.
|
|
|
|
Post by featherduster on Sept 30, 2022 17:56:59 GMT -5
I like these.
|
|
|
|
Post by genesis273 on Oct 9, 2022 9:30:35 GMT -5
Why don't monsters eat ghost?
Because they taste like sheet!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by wadwinger22 on Oct 11, 2022 9:59:44 GMT -5
I stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went. Then it dawned on me..
|
|
|
|
Post by greghopper on Oct 11, 2022 11:54:50 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by oldhoyt on Jan 11, 2023 14:09:50 GMT -5
I accused my wife of putting glue on my rifle collection.
She denies even going near them.
But I'm sticking to my guns.
|
|
|
|
Post by oldhoyt on Jan 11, 2023 14:11:45 GMT -5
My therapist told me I have a phobia when it comes to getting married.
When I doubted him he said, "Do you have any clue what the syptoms are?"
I said, "I can't say I do".
|
|
|
|
Post by oldhoyt on Jan 11, 2023 14:13:47 GMT -5
I got fired from my job at the bank.
A woman came in and asked me to check her balance.
So I gave her a good shove.
|
|
|
|
Post by oldhoyt on Jan 11, 2023 15:22:49 GMT -5
An invisible man married an invisible woman.
Their kids were nothing to look at either.
|
|
|
|
Post by Woody Williams on Jan 12, 2023 9:58:50 GMT -5
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police. The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"
"Fred," the old man moaned. "Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied; "The balcony".......
|
|
|
|
Post by oldhoyt on Jan 23, 2023 7:16:52 GMT -5
Went to the doctor for a routine checkup. I came to a few hours later.
Doctor: "We had to remove your colon."
Me "Why?"
|
|
|
|
Post by bowonlykindofguy1 on Jan 27, 2023 14:15:39 GMT -5
How do you make a handkerchief dance??? It's really easy just put a little boogie in it!!
|
|
|
|
Post by greghopper on Feb 2, 2023 19:44:20 GMT -5
 Today’s lunchbox note. You’re welcome.😊 |
|
|
|
Post by marshallco on Sept 29, 2023 10:35:03 GMT -5
2 more:
I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
I told my doctor I broke my arm in 2 places. He said quit going to those places.
|
|
|
|
Post by budd on Sept 29, 2023 10:51:06 GMT -5
Tried to boil some eggs this afternoon, eggs never got hard…guess it was because they just got laid this morning!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by huntsemall on Sept 30, 2023 17:33:08 GMT -5
An affluent couple with a wife that had a penchant for fast cars hinted to her husband she'd like something that would go from 0-200 in 3-4 seconds for her birthday, the husband couldn't figure out why she was so mad when he bought her a bathroom scale.
The wife asked the husband what kind of special 25th anniversary present he might get her, he said he was thinking about taking her to a remote, exotic location. She said wow, that would be really special, and then, thinking ahead she said what do you to plan to do for our 50th anniversay since this one will cost quite a bit.....he answered, well I might come back and get you.
|
|
|
|
Post by HighCotton on Oct 4, 2023 11:14:46 GMT -5
“I met with my attorney today.
Changed my will. I want 6 players from the Chicago Cubs to be my pallbearers!
That way…
They can let me down one more time!”
|
|
|
|
Post by featherduster on Oct 4, 2023 13:09:14 GMT -5
“I met with my attorney today. Changed my will. I want 6 players from the Chicago Cubs to be my pallbearers! That way… They can let me down one more time!” If their not available you could use 6 players from the BEARS! |
|
|
|
Post by oldhoyt on Oct 5, 2023 6:42:01 GMT -5
A buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything".
Same monk is making his morning toast. He opens the margarine tub, and there in the margarine and crumbs he clearly sees the face of Jesus. He says, "I can't believe it's not Buddha".
|
|
|
|
Post by HighCotton on Oct 5, 2023 8:05:34 GMT -5
“I met with my attorney today. Changed my will. I want 6 players from the Chicago Cubs to be my pallbearers! That way… They can let me down one more time!” If their not available you could use 6 players from the BEARS! Winless! And I wouldn’t put my money on them tonight either! |
|
