Redneck Church

Subject: RED NECK CHURCHES - There's a little redneck in all of us




1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.....
> The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
> chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
>
> 2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if......
> People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000,
> whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to
> catch'em.
>
> 3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if......
> When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the
> offering" and five guys and two women stand up.
>
> 4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if......
> Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
>
> 5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if......
> A member of the church requests to be buried in his
> 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get
> out of" (Love it!)
>
> 6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ......
> The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
>
> 7. You ! Know You're in a Redneck Church if......
> In a congregation of 500 members, there are only
> seven last names in the church directory.
>
> 8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.......
> People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
> heavy.
>
> 9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if......
> The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.
>
> 10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.........
> The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo
> from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

> 11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ........
> The collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy.
>
> 12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if........
> Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
>
> 13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .......
> The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
>
> 14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .......
> The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink."
>
> 15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.......
> "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
>
> 16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if .....
> The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear."
>
> God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers!