Post by archer461582 on Jul 2, 2008 15:17:38 GMT -5
WEDDED BLISS....
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."
Henry was stunned by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
"Let's see," Martha said. "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry "And you did it to save my life, so I of
course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said, a little more hesitant. "So do you remember when you ran for president of the yacht club, and you needed 73 more votes...?"
****************************************************
He ordered only one hamburger, only one order of French fries and only one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger, carefully cut it in half, and placed one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. Then he put the drink cup on the table, exactly half-way between him and his wife.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple -- all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine -- "We are used to sharing everything," he said simply.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time it was the old woman who said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man yet again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "OK, but what is it you are waiting for?"
She paused a bit before she answered, as if it were quite obvious, "the teeth!"
****************************************************
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Seeing this, the old man smiled and said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made.
"By check," the gentleman said. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. Then we'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
The jeweler declared this a fine idea, and the couple left arm in arm.
But Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had!?"
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."
Henry was stunned by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
"Let's see," Martha said. "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry "And you did it to save my life, so I of
course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said, a little more hesitant. "So do you remember when you ran for president of the yacht club, and you needed 73 more votes...?"
****************************************************
He ordered only one hamburger, only one order of French fries and only one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger, carefully cut it in half, and placed one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. Then he put the drink cup on the table, exactly half-way between him and his wife.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple -- all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine -- "We are used to sharing everything," he said simply.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time it was the old woman who said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man yet again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "OK, but what is it you are waiting for?"
She paused a bit before she answered, as if it were quite obvious, "the teeth!"
****************************************************
An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Seeing this, the old man smiled and said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made.
"By check," the gentleman said. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. Then we'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
The jeweler declared this a fine idea, and the couple left arm in arm.
But Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had!?"
