Dictionaries...

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
* 40-ish.................................49
* Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic................................No breasts.
* Average looking..................Moooo.
* Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure..............On medication.
* Feminist...............................Fat.
* Free Spirit............................Junkie.
* Friendship first.....................Former Slut.
* New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned......................Missonary Only
* Open-minded.......................Desperate.
* Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional.........................b i * * *.
* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
* Large frame..........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate..................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* Yes......................................No
* No.......................................Yes
* Maybe.................................No
* We need..............................I want
* I am sorry............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk...................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead....................You better not
* Do what you want................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset.......................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight.........Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
* I am hungry..................................I am hungry
* I am sleepy...................................I am sleepy
* I am tired......................................I am tired
* Nice dress.....................................Nice cleavage!
* I love you................ ...... ..............Let's have sex now
* I am bored....................................Do you want to have sex?
* May I have this dance?.................I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit.......I'm gay.