Durn Women Drivers

I looked over to my left and there was a

woman


in a brand new


Cadillac


doing 65 mph


with her
face up next to her
rear view mirror

putting on her eyeliner.


I looked away


for a couple seconds

and when I looked back she was

halfway over in my lane,

still working on that makeup.

As a man,


I don't scare easily.


But she scared me so much;

I dropped

my electric shaver,

which knocked

the donut

out of my other hand.

In all

the confusion of trying

to straighten out the car

using my knees against

the steering wheel,


it knocked

my cell phone


away from my ear


which fell


into the coffee


between my legs,


splashed,


and burned


Big Jim and the Twins,


ruined the durn phone,


soaked my trousers,


and disconnected an
important call.

Durn women drivers