Post by chicobrownbear on Nov 13, 2008 19:38:37 GMT -5
BEER
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and
live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.
These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization
and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans
were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and
group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the
meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat
raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and
generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for
a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge
to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded
immediately to other true believers, and to more
liberals...just to yank their chain.
Have a great day!
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and
live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.
These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization
and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans
were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and
group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the
meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat
raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, athletes, Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and
generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for
a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge
to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded
immediately to other true believers, and to more
liberals...just to yank their chain.
Have a great day!